I've received complaints that these emails are getting a little bit too long. Since I don't have time to write in my journal every night, this blog has become like my journal. I can't promise this one will be shorter - it'll probably be longer actually - but I highly suggest you read this entire email. You can ignore my blog for the rest of my mission as long as you really read this one.
This week has been a weird one - full of ups and downs. I finally started feeling sick last Sunday after Sister Ure had been sick for over a week. I didn't feel too great Christmas Eve, felt great Christmas morning, and felt DREADFUL Christmas night. Despite this, and being away from home for Christmas for the first time in my life, this Christmas may have been my best one yet. For Christmas Eve, we were at the Visitor's Center all night - from 2-9. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before, but all the sister missionaries at the VC put on a little Christmas show with narration and singing and the like. We had two performances that afternoon and then an unscheduled third performance that night. It was pretty busy - a lot of members make it a tradition to come down to see the lights and the performance every year. It was also amazing how many non-members came as well. There was a woman visiting from Persia - she didn't speak much English but she was there with her Muslim daughter and another Christian man of Middle East descent. During the performance, something just told me that I needed to go talk to them after the show. So I did. Nothing really came of it, but the man asked a lot of questions that I answered to the best of my ability, and I invited them to look around some more. They ended up speaking to another sister missionary that night and were really curious about the Book of Mormon. While none of them accepted the invitation to receive a Book of Mormon at this point, I think they'll be back.Christmas morning was absolutely magical. Sister Ure and I both were not feeling very well so it took us awhile to get out of bed, even to open Christmas presents!!! We were SO spoiled. Our ward had gone above and beyond to make us feel loved and appreciated this Christmas. We each got huge stockings full of presents, and then we got a few more presents on top of that from individual people, some of whom did NOT have the money to give us so much. It just really warmed my heart - it was hard because I couldn't give back, but I'm giving what I can as a missionary. Our apartment was a wreck for a couple of days because we didn't have a preparation day until Thursday, but I never expected to receive so many presents. It may have been my biggest Christmas ever!
However, even that wasn't the best part. That morning, we went over to our bishop's home, Bishop Passadore, for breakfast. It was so nice and relaxing. Bishop Passadore is a convert and he's been a member for about 30 years, and it took his wife 10 more years until she joined. His perspective and understanding has been such a blessing as we've worked with part-member families - it takes time for everyone to really make that commitment to the gospel, but I've seen how happy it makes them when they finally do it. Their son-in-law (married to their inactive daughter) was there with us too so we gave a little message about the Restoration, which was really well-received. It was just nice.
Then we stopped by the Willits' home for just a minute - they had invited us over for breakfast as well but we already had plans with Bishop and Sister Passadore. The Willits are awesome - they have quite a few kids, but only a couple of them are still active in the church. But still, they're just so happy and optimistic - they know that their children will understand and come back someday. We got there before their family did and had ANOTHER breakfast just with them, since they never have time to eat when everyone comes over anyways. By the time we left, a few had shown up so we were able to meet them - no pressure, just saying hi.We went over to the De Voe's home next - Brother and Sister De Voe are awesome, and their 15-year-old son Devin comes to lessons with us all the time. They were inactive for a time, but now they are just rockstars - so strong, so involved in missionary work, so much fun. We love spending time with them. They let us use their phones and computers to call our families! I tried to skype mine but the connection was bad so I just saw some blurred images. Still, better than nothing!
After that, it was off to the VC again from 2-9. Those two breakfasts really took a toll on me and I just started feeling so sick. It was hard to get through the first two performances. It wasn't as busy as had been predicted, but we still put on another impromptu performance at 7pm - the 6th and final performance. This performance turned out to be one of the most spiritual experiences of my life. It had been a busy month preparing for Christmas, so busy that sometimes we'd miss personal study in the morning, or companion study. I felt my testimony waning a little; I felt myself losing strength to share the gospel. There were some days that I would go to the VC and I just wouldn't want to be there. I started questioning what I was doing; do I really know that Jesus Christ really came to the earth, that He is our Savior? I've met people as I've worked at the VC who are Muslim, atheist, Jewish - people who don't think of Jesus Christ as our Savior. But I know I've felt Him in my life. I've felt His healing, His sacrifice, His love. But sometimes, it's easy to forget - even when you're on a mission serving the Lord, you can still forget. Sometimes when you think too much about it, the gospel seems completely preposterous.
I've even wondered about the Spirit in the last few weeks. Do I feel the Spirit? Is the Holy Ghost even a real person, or do these good feelings come from some anatomical source, like endorphins? But that Christmas night, as we sang in celebration of Jesus Christ's life, I received the most powerful witness that could NOT have been purely natural. I was standing up there, sick, feeling like I was about to throw up - and all of a sudden, that was gone. As we sang the third verse of Silent Night with the audience, my heart swelled up with joy - a feeling I know I've had before, but that I had completely forgotten. I can't even explain it - no one would really understand unless they have felt it too. And as I cried through that last song, I felt the Spirit - I received that witness again from the Holy Ghost that confirmed my belief in Christ, my belief in our Heavenly Father, and especially my belief in the Holy Ghost. I know music can carry the Spirit, and I know that the Spirit is not just a feeling.
During the performance, a couple in the back caught my eye, and another sister noticed them too. She had invited them in from outside. While they didn't accept at this time to have the missionaries over, they expressed that they felt something different, something they had never felt before. They said they'd ponder it more and come back. The feeling of the Spirit IS different. I needed to have this experience - I needed to understand how people feel who have never felt the Holy Ghost before, who have never heard the gospel before. As men, the Restoration of the gospel and everything else that comes along with it seems completely impossible, but the Spirit can teach us those things. When thought of with a spiritual mind, all the pieces of the restored gospel make sense. I have a friend who refers to herself as "spiritual but not religious". That phrase has stuck with me: there are many people in the world that are spiritual - that believe that there is more than man can comprehend in this world. But through the Spirit, we can understand everything. We can understand the things of God. We can receive that personal revelation that teaches us what we need to do. This friend is an active and faithful LDS member; she attends church every week, prays, reads the word of God - General Conference talks, the Bible, the Book of Mormon - and her spirituality has led her to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, the only church with a modern-day prophet called by God to guide our lives through revelation - through spiritual guidance. The things we teach are meant to enrich our temporal lives, but most importantly, our spirits. In the Bible Dictionary, to reveal is "to uncover or make known"(http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bd/revelation?lang=eng&letter=r). God is not a mystery - He wants us to learn everything we can. The Spirit allows us to do so. I know that we can all learn the truth of the gospel through viewing it with a spiritual mind, through praying and sincerely asking God if it is true. And if it's true, what else matters?
The next day in my personal study, I was reading in the Book of Mormon and I found this verse in 2nd Nephi Chapter 9:
18 But, behold, the righteous, the saints of the Holy One of Israel, they who have believed in the Holy One of Israel, they who have endured the crosses of the world, and despised the shame of it, they shall inherit the kingdom of God, which was prepared for them from the foundation of the world, and their joy shall be full forever.
That's how I felt Christmas night - like my joy was full. Even as a member of the church, I don't feel like that all the time. And many people have never felt that. There is nothing I want more than to feel like that forever, and I want everyone I meet to have that opportunity. Jesus Christ has shown us what we need to do in order to find that fullness of joy, and that is what this life is all about. I know we can find it by living the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.
I've written WAY too much - I really thought I could sum this up real quick but apparently not. Thursday was our preparation day so that was nice - I was sick and ended up falling asleep on the floor for a couple of hours in the middle of writing letters. So if you didn't get a little Christmas card this year......I'm sorry. I'll do better next year.
Saturday was amazing day - we had another baptism! Two weeks in a row! Craig was baptized on Saturday and it was a really cool thing to see. The service was amazing and the Spirit was so strong (I definitely recognized it this time). Craig is not usually very serious - he's always cracking a joke. After his baptism, we asked him how he felt and he said, "Wet." Then, we asked him again, "Craig, how do you feel right now?" and we heard, "Drying off a bit." Finally, Sister Ure said, "Craig, really, how do you feel?" His answer was so genuine and sincere: "like a burden has been lifted." He had a rough past full of a lot of mistakes that he was not proud of, but he was able to wash all of that away and start fresh because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We can all do that, no matter what we've been through. I've seen it in my own life, I've seen it in Craig's life, and I see it everyday as I meet converts at the VC or random walk-ins that feel the Spirit at the VC.I testify that God loves each one of us personally. I testify that He knows us better than we know ourselves, and so He knows how to help us if we just turn to Him. I know that Jesus Christ didn't just die for us - He suffered for our sins so that we "might not suffer if [we] would repent" (D&C 19:16). I know that we will be blessed if we aim to make Jesus Christ a part of our life, not just a part of Christmas. I know the Holy Ghost is a real person that testifies of truth. I know that our Heavenly Father sends the Holy Ghost to us to help us to rise above and see the spiritual side of things, not just the confusion of the world. It reminds me of a Mormon message that I hope you all watch, and think about how a direct messenger from God, the Holy Ghost, can or has blessed you in your life.
http://www.mormonchannel.org/mormonmessages?v=910930358001
Hope you're all going out tonight to enjoy the fireworks! If you don't have plans to see them, do it for me because I'll be in bed by 10:30pm.
Happy New Year!
