A Change in Plans

I haven't added to this blog since the last week of my mission.  I don't even think I wrote about coming home.  I was trying to surprise my parents but.....it didn't really work out how I wanted it to.  So it was a pretty abrupt ending.  And every time I thought about updating my blog in the past ten months, I thought about how I needed to rename and redesign and redo everything so I put it aside.

Until now.  Now there are definitely some things I need to say.  And considering the topic of this post, I don't feel like I need to change the theme or design of my blog in order to do so.

A few weeks ago, I spontaneously purchased a ticket to visit Oakland.  It would have been my first trip back since I came home in February.  The plane ticket didn't cost much, I was going to fly right out of Provo, and rent a car to go everywhere I wanted to go.  I was going to see my mission president and his wife, the people I taught, old investigators, the English-speaking members in Castro Valley and the Spanish-speaking members in Oakland, my last companion out in the mission, the senior couples at the Visitors' Center - people I haven't had the strength to see despite my overwhelming love for them.  I was stoked to see the beautiful Oakland Temple and Visitors' Center with all the Christmas lights and the strongest feelings of the Spirit that I've felt in my entire life.

And then....I couldn't find my driver's license.  Now, there were ways around this in order to get on the plane - social security card, school ID, etc. - but then I still wasn't able to rent a car.  With work deadlines looming and finals coming up, getting things together for this quick weekend trip wasn't going to be possible.

I was heartbroken.  I was trying to do the right thing - I wanted to stop thinking about myself and go out and serve the people in California that had become like another family to me.  I wanted to finally get myself in the Christmas spirit by visiting my favorite place in the whole wide world.  

But life doesn't go according to our plans.

We can have the best intentions.  We can do everything right.  We can work as hard as humanly possible, and things don't always turn out how we want.  It's just part of our human experience.  The only plan that really and truly matters is God's plan for our lives.

One of my favorite scriptures through the years has always been Proverbs 3:5-6.  "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways, acknowledge him and He shall direct thy paths."  This lesson takes a lifetime to learn.  Whenever life seems to be going according to our plans, a curveball flies out of nowhere and throws it off.  It's easy to be upset that our plans have been changed, and hard to remember that each of those curveballs is part of the grander plan.  Not our plan, but God's plan, to mold us into the people we need to become.

That's how I feel about my mission.  

I felt so strongly about serving a mission.  It wasn't part of my original plan, but it was part of His plan.  So when I became severely depressed a year into my mission, I didn't understand why.  I was following His plan and trying my best, and each and every day became a struggle.  I felt like following God's plan had let me down.  I wanted to help the people I was teaching and serving, but I didn't know how to keep going.

I made it through those last six months and saw incredible miracles despite my weaknesses.  I came home in February, expecting things to go back to how they were before.  But the pain and depression didn't go away.  I threw myself into school, into work, but my own issues and family problems kept me from rising above.

I felt betrayed by God.  I felt that God had forgotten about me.  I felt like His plan for my life wasn't getting me anywhere.  So I ignored it for a little while.  My testimony was wavering, and so my conversion was faltering.  I felt abandoned.

In light of current events and after recently celebrating Thanksgiving, I know I was wrong.  Heavenly Father gave me everything I needed.  My depression held me back from feeling His love, so He gave it to me abundantly through the other people in my life.  On my mission, I felt it from President and Sister Meredith, my companion for four months in Oakland Hermana Ayala, and I felt it as I watched the baptism of Cynthia, Antonio and Katheryn right before the end of my mission.  After arriving home, my parents were there for me every step of the way.  During the summer, I had best friends and roommates who stuck by my side and loved me unconditionally.  I even fell in love and lost in love.  As difficult as this past year has been, I know that my Heavenly Father was preparing me to recognize His love for me through surrounding me with all of these wonderful people.

The negative thoughts that depression had put in my head had made me feel unlovable.  But I have been so loved.  And I have had the opportunity to meet and know and love so many people in the past year.  Now I can finally see how much my Heavenly Father loves me.  

And if all that wasn't enough, the Christmas season has helped me recognize the greatest gift of love that He has given me, and every single person on earth: Jesus Christ.  

I haven't been particularly festive this Christmas season - while I would normally listen to Christmas music for hours on end, the fact that the Christmas song I've heard most this year has been "Blue Christmas" hasn't made me too excited about the idea.  So I've been listening to other music, and "Mad World" seems to pop up multiple times a day, maybe even more than "Blue Christmas".  

Now, "Mad World" is probably the furthest thing from a joyful song about the birth of Christ, but it's one of my favorite songs.  It's horribly sad and depressing, but it is beautiful.  

As I listened to this song, I came to understand that sometimes the most beautiful things come out of the saddest experiences.  We must feel intense pain to receive and recognize overwhelming joy.  I expected my mission to be full of constant joy and happiness, and it wasn't.  Despite the pain, I have seen it bring about the most amazing blessings in the lives of others and the most spiritual experiences in my life.  Through our trials, we find the strength to become better than who we are. 

And while Christ's birth is a joyous occasion, His suffering in the garden and death on the cross are the most heartbreaking events that the world has ever seen.  Yet through His death, we are all given the ultimate gift of love.  Christ has felt every pain and sadness that we experience in this life.  Because of Him, we will live again after this life.  Because of Him, all our heartaches can be mended.  Because of Him, we can see the beauty of the roses despite the thorns.  Because of Him, the deepest and darkest moments of our lives can become the most beautiful learning experiences to help us draw closer to Him.  Because of Him, we can become like him.

God has a plan for each of us.  It may not be our plan, but it's the plan that will take us further than we even imagined possible.  Because of the birth, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ, there is a plan.  He is the key to every single one of God's perfectly laid plans for our progression and ultimate happiness.

Sometimes we lose sight of that.  No matter who we are - missionaries, converts - we have seemingly unbearable trials that can shake and possibly destroy our faith.  But we are never alone.  Christ has suffered all we have ever felt, and will be there every step of the way.  Even when we feel abandoned or unloved by God in our current circumstances, He's there.  I was too stubborn to recognize it, and so He showed me love more subtly through the love of my friends and family.  And I can honestly say that because of this difficult year, I have come out stronger than I've ever been.

For those who showed me that love, you know who you are.  Thank you for following the subtle promptings of the Spirit to bless my life and bring me back to where I need to be so I can start loving and serving others again too.

So here's to 2015.  I know I have a few more weeks but I'm going to start on some of those New Year's resolutions right now.  It's never too early - or too late - to follow the path that God has for you.

Revelation and the Plan of Salvation

So....I didn't write last week. And I forgot my planner this week. So.....I'll try to catch up NEXT week, but we'll see how much I remember first.

Big news: transfers. We get the call Saturday night. It'll be my last transfer call as a missionary. Hopefully things don't change too much but you really never know. If I've learned anything as a missionary, it's that God's plan for our lives is totally different than our own. 

Lots of VC miracles! We had this couple, Lidia and Jose, who came into the VC this week. The first thing she told us was that she was investigating the church 16 years ago down in Honduras and hasn't had any contact with the church since then. Her and her husband randomly decided to come up and totally want to learn! They live RIGHT outside of our area unfortunately, but it's awesome how the temple guides the prepared people to find the truth! Lots of people came in yesterday as well because it was a holiday. Not everyone accepted, but everyone felt the Spirit. I know that.

I am so grateful for the Visitors' Center and the opportunity I've had to serve there for my entire mission. The Spirit is so strong there because it's right next to the temple, the house of the Lord. We got to go to the temple today, and I'm always amazed by the peace I feel when I enter. I'm so grateful for all that I've learned about the plan of salvation from being in the temple and studying the scriptures and listening to our modern-day prophets and apostles. Revelation is REAL.

We've had a lot of opportunities to receive this revelation as we had two General Authorities visit our mission these past two weeks. Elder Quentin L. Cook of the Quorum of the Twelve came and held a special mission conference for all of us, and then Elder David Evans of the Quorum of the Seventy made a special trip to the Visitors' Center and spoke just to the Visitors' Center sisters. These two visits occurred within only a few days of each other. Getting close to the end of my mission, their words just reaffirmed my testimony in the restoration of Christ's original church and the personal love that our Heavenly Father has for each of us. When they speak, the Holy Ghost bears witness of what they say and teaches us individually the messages that our Heavenly Father knows we need to hear. 

I found a new favorite scripture this week that sums up my missionary service at this point: "And behold, when I see many of my brethren truly penitent, and coming to the Lord their God, then is my soul filled with joy; then do I remember what the Lord has done for me, yea, even that he hath heard my prayer; yea, then do I remember his merciful arm which he extended towards me." As I've seen others come unto Christ, I've felt His mercy and grace. I've seen answers to my prayers. And I know that as long as I continue in faith and obedience, I will see miracles throughout my mission and throughout my life.

On a lighter note, pictures!

Us, the Sanchez family, and the Rojas family (members). I love them so
much! They'll get married and baptized someday! Just not this week
unfortunately.

The beautiful Relief Society of the Barrio Sexto en Oakland!!!

And the best day ever. Even Delia (in the middle) got dressed in a suit so
we could have a picture of the whole family in white. And again when they
go to the temple in a year! I love the Ramirez family so so much.

And of course my companion Sister Ayala. We've been through SO much
together and she's just my best friend :)

Just a few of the lives that have touched mine so deeply here in Oakland.
The perfect way to spend Valentine's Day - serving with the love of the Savior :)

Hermana Hunsaker

February. Finally giving up on sending out Christmas cards.

Big news for the week: the Ramirez kids got baptized and confirmed!!! I don't have any pictures with me right now but maybe next week.....

But it was a super special day. Also very stressful. We forgot to tell them to bring towels until five minutes before the end of church, twenty minutes before the baptism. Sister Meredith, our mission president's wife, saved our lives and brought them over from the mission home. Their dad, who has been less active for 13 years since his baptism, baptized all of them. With Cynthia, it took three tries. For Antonio, two. And by the time he got to Katheryn, he was a pro and got her all the way down and back up in one dip. Afterwards we ate the tamales that their mom brought from home. It was the best day ever - we ate dinner with them a few hours later and ate more tamales. She's the best cook ever.

So that was last Sunday, and then yesterday they were all confirmed in church. Cynthia was crying during her confirmation, and Antonio was told that he was going to be a missionary! It was awesome. They're all so awesome. Even the parents. I'm just so excited for their desire to serve others and choose the right! I really wish I had a picture of all of them right now so you could all see why I love them so much. We ate dinner with them after their confirmation too haha.

The other fun thing: we did a skit for our Relief Society activity! We're really trying to get the sisters to do their visiting teaching and so we put together a skit of what NOT to do. I've been kind of anxious about it for the past couple weeks so I was so glad it turned out! And it was funny! All the sisters were laughing and having a good time. At the end, we had them practice the RIGHT way and it was just a big hit. We've heard really good feedback and that some sisters have actually called our Relief Society President asking for the names and numbers of the sisters that they're supposed to visit! It's so exciting being a part of this ward and helping them unite. I think the Ramirez family will help a lot with that too :)

VC miracle: Ed walked into the VC. He's from Mongolia, he'd never been there before but had had many interactions with church members in random places, and he said, "I'm lost and looking for God." Elder Lavender, one of our senior elders in the VC, took him around the whole place. Then we gave him some of the free tickets we had for BYU's Living Legends dance performance the next night, and then the next day was Sunday and he came to church! The Oakland 9th elders are teaching him since one of them speaks Mongolian, and he already has a baptism date! His family hasn't jumped on the bandwagon yet, but they will soon! That one golden person makes all the downtime in the VC oh so worth it.

Also, because of the Living Legends performance, Sister Ayala and I gave a private tour to the Guatemala Consul of San Francisco and his family. I was super nervous, but they were the sweetest people ever! We had so much fun showing them around and they had so many questions! We couldn't do that much in terms of proselyting but they want to come back and see more and do their family history! We talked to the public relations lady that put it all together, and I'm thinking that maybe working for church public affairs might be an option for me after I graduate.....

Way too many VC miracles. Kathryn, one of the women I met in the VC during Christmastime, got baptized last weekend. I didn't see it and I haven't gotten in touch with her, but it feels good to know that I had a small part in her finding the truth. I just knew she would feel it and accept it.

So that's the news: exciting things happening here. Until next week!

Hermana Hunsaker